So I didn't make it through Run Every Day January but I thought I may try a new challenge, Write Every Day February... or WED FEB for short. There are good and bad things about setting up challenges for everyone but particularly if you have a mental health problem.
I am a huge fan of medication but I know they are not for everyone but for me getting diagnosed and the right drugs was a huge step towards me being able to manage my illness. However as well as this medical help I also know that lifestyle is a really important factor in staying well. For me this is exercise, eating well, watching what I drink, trying to get enough sleep, all the usual wellbeing tips really.
A lot of the popular challenges (especially at this time of year!) fit into this. Dry January, Veganuary, Running Streak, (and R.E.D Jan in particular). I'm sure we will see mindfulness based challenges crop up before long. On the plus side these challenges can place you into a like-minded supportive community, often give you another reason in the form of fundraising to encourage you and are usually a measured period of time. We all know that healthy habits can be formed in about a month (although this 'fact' has been questioned by many).
I have read so many inspiring stories of people this month who have tried to beat their depression by forcing themselves out of the door every day. For most of the month I smiled down at them fondly, thinking how lucky I was that I was just out enjoying the running without having to push myself too much Then of course my own depression hit like a tonne of bricks and while many probably thought that the best thing for me to do was to do up my laces and at least run round the block I knew in myself that this was A) Physically impossible, I couldn't even get dressed. B) Actually the worst thing I could do when I needed to lie in my bed and just be kind to myself.
This reminded me of a brilliant blog written by a colleague who also has bipolar disorder, Laura. She too is an 'unlikely' runner like me who sees the benefits of running for mental health but knows the pitfalls of guilt and self loathing when training is disrupted by illness. Laura's blog
I have run a number of races, including the London Marathon and have raised thousands for charity in that time. But what do I find myself focussing on? The races I never ran... specifically The New York Marathon that unfortunately was due to be run just 2 months after my sister died. I did still go to New York but found myself feeling like a traitor any time I saw someone in running gear. Or the Great North Run last year, a race I love and have done many times, only I had a period of poor mental health in the summer that meant my training plan was totally thrown out the window and I am clever enough to know not to take on a race when I haven't put the hours in.
A challenge I did complete and one that will always stay with me was to trek in Peru for Mind around 12 years ago. Although it wasn't the 'fitness benefits' the sponsorship or even the amazing site of Machu Pitchu that made an impact, it was actually my first experience of being amongst people with mental health problems as a peer rather than a worker and what a lovely feeling that was. Ironically my doctor had to sign off a medical form to say that I was well enough to take part, called me to say that there was a problem. He told me he couldn't sign it as I had ticked the form saying that I didn't have a mental health problem, so deep was my self- stigma. He had been treating me for around 4 years at that time. As he gently said to me if I couldn't admit that I had this issue to go on a trek to raise money for a mental health charity then there is no hope! This was a real breakthrough for me in the end and I was over the moon to get a job with the same charity around a decade later.
So why am I setting myself another challenge when it will only put added pressure on me when I am trying to get well. Firstly this is going to be a 'being kind to myself' challenge where it is only me judging and if I really can't face the computer then I promise I will not be hard on myself. Secondly I realise that I find writing quite therapeutic, I am pretty crap at telling people where I am at but for some reason writing it all down seems a lot easier. Thirdly it is the kind of challenge that I can do in my pyjamas, without having to talk to anyone and with Jeremy Kyle in the background. Lastly I am hoping it will break up the monotony of being unwell. Being ill is really boring...
If you want to join in, let me know and we can all start a WED FEB challenge together!
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